Saturday, January 12, 2019

'THE ANNIVERSARY TALE' By Jerry Silvers (Topic of the month)





His name is Lionel Darby he lives in Ireland about 25 miles out of the city of Aberdein. For almost 30 years he has  been working for John Cassidy driving a horse cart delivering wool to be spun and picking up knitted finished goods from the local cottage industry.  This year he will be celebrating his 40th  wedding anniversary to Mary.


Five years ago, he told John Cassidy his plans to have a special 40th anniversary gift to his wife, to take her to New York City to visit her sister Kathleen.

John Cassidy

John tried to help him with as many additional clients, but business was slow, the large mills were producing more goods than the market could bear. So, he allowed Darby to use his horse and cart to haul whatever goods and services he could obtain to raise the funds.



                                              **
We are now five years later and Darby working night and day surprised Mary with tickets on the Queen Mary to New York. 
                                                       **
With instructions in hand by Mary, they headed toward the New York subway system. Darby couldn’t believe hundreds of people waiting for the trains, they pushed and shoved. Mary got on the train and poor Darby was left behind without any instructions on how to find Mary’s Sister home in Brooklyn. He found a bench to sit down to contemplate his dilemma. Next to him was an older black man, he never met a black man before.

                                                           





   Samuel: “My names Samuel Jackson, it looks like you’re having some difficulty.  Am I right!”

Darby tells Samuel his predicament including his brothers-in-law name. Samuel checks the Brooklyn phone directory, but found no listing.
Samuel: Darby I live in Brooklyn, let me get you there and take you down to the Irish area. Maybe the police or someone may know of your sister and her husband.

When they arrived in the heart of Brooklyn Samuel directed him to the community that had a large Irish population. Darby couldn’t thank Samuel enough for his kindness.  

Darby walks for block, not knowing if he was even going in the right direction. He did ask a police officer for help, and was told to continue down this avenue and when you come to some people sitting around their apartment building, ask them if they know where your family might be living.

Finally, Darby collapsed from exhaustion on some stairs leading to an apartment building. Out stepped from the doorway an older gentleman neatly dressed and sat down next to him.


Ben: “Hello, are you visiting someone in this building?  My name is Benjamin Steinman. I live here.”
Darby tells him his problem.

Ben: You’re definitely in the right neighborhood and even though I am Jewish, I am friendly with the Irish community and know many of our neighbors. What’s their name?”

Darby: “Kathleen and Henry McDougal.”

Ben: “Let’s go down to Irish Pub down this block and I’ll buy you a pint. Maybe someone there knows of your family.”

When they enter the pub, the pub was crowed and the Irish music was so loud, even in Aberdeen he never saw this type of partying. He couldn’t even converse with Ben until the music stopped.  Then Ben brought over this young man.

Ben: “Darby meet your cousin, Thomas, from the McDougal’s side of your family.”

When they finally brought Darby to his family a great uproar went up as he entered the apartment. Mary just couldn’t believe how he found them, she kept hugging and kissing him and holding on to him. She told him how everyone worried and they even called the police.
The anniversary party began that evening. Ben was even there and Darby kept thanking him, again and again.
                                                 **

Henry got up to make a toast: “But first I must tell you an old Irish joke about this 60-year-old man celebrating his’s 50th anniversary. As he was walking in the forest on an early morn, out jumps this leprechaun, he says, “I know you O’toole and today is your 50th wedding anniversary. Today I am going to be nice, giving you a gift by granting you one wish.”

The old man says, “I wish my wife to be 30 years younger.”
So be it, says the leprechaun, granting O’toole his wish and he was now 90-years old.
                                                  **
A few days later Darby is walking around the neighborhood taking in all the local sites and shops, he came to a small park and sitting on one of the benches was Samuel. He was so excited to see him again and to tell him about meeting Ben and his help to find his family.

Darby says: “It was like a gift from heaven.”

Samuel says: “You just might be right.”

                                                        ***



Author’s notes: When writing this story, I imaged Darby coming from such a remote isolated area of Ireland, that when he arrived in New York City it was like Christopher Columbus coming to the new world. It must have been a little overwhelming meeting such a diversified and ethnic community of natives, yet they were kind, friendly and helpful in my story.

©Jerry Silvers - Comedy Writers Network and Summerlin's Writers and Poets Workshop - Las Vegas, NV.

Scan down to read up to forty original comedy stories and poems.
Your comments are appreciated.

Also visit our Summerlin's Blog: suncityww.blogspot.com 






Thursday, January 10, 2019

IN MEMORIAL TO MORRIE GREENBERG - By Jerry Silvers


Morrie's granddaughter, Brooke Letitchevski,  Emailed me this morning to let me know her grandfather, Morrie Greenberg passed away peacefully on December 15, 2018.

We send our condolences to his family and friends and honor him by posting one of his short comedy stories. Morrie, we will miss you!

          'A LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE'
                           By Morrie Greenberg

I've always been one willing to take chances rather than being conservative in pretty much everything I do. However, I took a too big a risk this time. I was given the opportunity to purchase some property and build on them. I thought this was the right and clever thing to do, but this left me with very little cash. I thought what I had built on would  carry me through,

How wrong I was. The bills started coming in thick and fast, and lo and behold, I could not manage paying all the bills. To make a long story short, event though I started selling off my properties at a loss, I could no longer keep up and before I knew what was happening, I found myself completely broke. I can only think of it as a lesson to be more cautious.

I will know how to play the game better next time. After all, it was the first time I ever played Monopoly.
                                                   ***


I found this photograph in my files of Morrie attending one of our workshops with RaNae, Angelo, and Marty.



We will welcome your comments and remembrances of a wonderful friend and fellow writer and educator. 

Sun City Writers Workshop
Summerlin's Writers & Poets Workshop
Comedy Writers Network
Waverly Writers Workshop

Sunday, January 6, 2019

BELIEVE IT OR NOT! By Mort Harris




This is a wonderful age we live in. One where exciting discoveries and marvelous inventions exist, such as the sewing machines  and the typewriters. Progress has given us many labor-saving devices, but it has also encouraged a lot of flim-flam artists who prey on the innocent populace. These impostors try to defraud the public by selling questionable products to them.

One scam artist to be aware of is guy who's pushing the idea that with a flip of a switch, when entering your home, you can have illumination. How could anyone believe that? The most rational among us know that's impossible, but some gullible people still insist that they get light when flipping on this switch. These people are only succeeding in hurting the candle makers. 

Another contraption being misrepresented is called a"telephone." Supposedly, you can speak into this instrument and hold a conversation with another person who is not only in the same room, but in a distant city. As ridiculous as that seems, people are actually buying them and installing them in their homes. As a result, letter writing is on the decline. 

Then there's the charlatan who's hawking a box he named the 'television." He claims that with a twist of a dial, pictures will appear on the screen. Not just photographs, but a moving and talking image and in color no less! I've looked behind the box to see where the  images came from and all I saw was a meaningless array of circuits and wires. People are actually buying these boxes. They sit in front of them, staring at them for hours, thinking they are being entertained. Some of these people may even be intelligent.

The biggest hoax sine the automobile is the airplane. So clever is this swindle, that nations around the world have been duped into building airports to house these planes. Who, in his right mind, can believe that 20 tons of scrap metal can be shot into the sky and fly without falling? I can see the unscrupulous perpetrator hysterically laughing as he points to the aircraft overhead and says, "those people really believe they're flying." When the truth comes out, there will be a lot of red faces in the airline industry.

By the way, there are some people who still believe the world is round. They should talk to the ones who have been to the ends of the earth and fallen off.
                                               ***

© Mort Harris - Sun City Writers Workshop - Las Vegas, NV.

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ANNIVERSARY OF MY FIRST COMEDY PIECE CALLED "EMPTY POCKETS" (UPDATED) By Jerry Silvers


                        


The following is a newspaper article by the renowned investigative journalist D. Thomas Earmissing.




I recently interviewed the philanthropist, Mr. Reginald Nutweather, on his 99th birthday. Over a period of three days of interviews and conversations, he brought up one very interesting story about his first encounter with Mr. Oliver Harding and Stan Laurel.
To this day, Reginald has never forgiven the boys for the breakup of his first marriage. Here is his related story.   

It seems the boys were having problems meeting their rent payments and Mr. Fielding, the manager, threatened to evict the boys the following day.  The boys have been looking for jobs for weeks and it seems like no one was hiring. They were desperate,  hungry and broke. 



Ollie said, “Why don’t we make up signs, saying looking for any kind of work. We can both stand on the corners of our busy intersection.  Maybe we can even panhandle some change for lunch.”

Stan, “That's a brilliant idea. I have just enough change to buy some signboard and black paint.”  We observe the boys in the process of putting on their shoes and stuffing newspaper inside to cover up the large holes in the bottom of the soles.
                                                    **
A large black Packard limousine pulls up to the curb and the back window is lowered and someone calls out to Stan to come over. Ollie hears this and crosses the street to the stand next to Stan, his partner.


“You boys looking for work?  I think I have a job for you.”

Stan says, “We’re your men. We do painting, carpentry, windows, and gardening or whatever is called for.”

“My name is Reginald Nutweather and I have a summer home up in Big Bear. I would like you two fellows to take my wife’s car and drive it up to our home.  I will give you $50.00; $25.00 now and $25.00 when you deliver the car.”

Ollie says, “We’ll take the job.”

Nutweather: “Here is the information on where to pick up the Ford and the address to deliver it to my summer home in Big Bear. Remember, I want that car delivered in one piece.  By the way, you do have a driver’s license?”

“Yes sir, we do sir.” (He hands Stan the $25.00 and the directions.)



The boys pick up the Model T Ford, had lunch, and were forewarned that the roads up to Big Bear Mountain were unpaved and its elevations is up to 5000 feet. (Now, at this point, they have $20.00 left.)

The Model T definitely did not have the power to climb the mountain, they even tried having Stan get out to push, as he gunned the engine. No luck!  So, Ollie told Stan, “Go back down the road to the farm house that we past and see if you can get some help.”

Ollie comes back with the farmer with a wagon drawn by two mules.
Stan: “He wants $15.00 to haul us up the mountain, so I gave it to him.” (Now the boys only have $5.00 left.)



When they finally reached Nutweather’s home it was almost dark, and the boys decided to have something to eat before returning home. (Now, they are left with just a few pennies.)

Mrs. Sarah Nutweather answers the door, “I see you brought my car, just in time, come help me with my luggage.”

Stan, “Where you going. We were promised $25.00 for delivering your car.”

Sarah, “My husband will pay you, he's on his way home and should be here in about an hour. I’m getting out of here now and he’ll never see me again. Here is a letter you can deliver to him telling him I’m going to see my lawyer."  (She leaves, taking the model T Ford.)

 "Boy Stan, this is another fine mess you got us into." Stan begins to cry.

Ollie: “We are in big trouble, if he finds out she gave us this letter, he’ll have a fit and won’t pay us.” 

“I just thought of an idea, we can have someone else deliver the letter. Here is my plan, go upstairs and dress up as Betty, Sarah's best friend and come down when I call you. You hand him the letter, but first tell him, Sarah told her he should pay us the $25.00.”

Mr. Nutweather arrives and finds Ollie in the living room waiting for him.

“Where my wife?”

“She left with the car as soon as we arrived and she didn’t pay us. However, her best friend Betty has been waiting to see you.” 

Betty comes downstairs and the first thing she said, “You’re a very handsome fellow. Sarah did say you were very good looking man.” 



Nutweather looks at her strangely, almost sideways as he gives her the evil eye. “Who the hell are you?  My wife doesn’t know anyone up here.”

 “We met at the PTA meeting.”

“Hell no, we don’t have any kids. What’s going on here?”

“She wanted me to personally give you this letter, but first she said you have to pay the boys.”

“Give me that letter! I’m not paying anyone until I find out where my wife has gone.”  He threatens to call the police and Stan hands over the letter.

“Okay, now please pay us.”



He reads the letter and starts to go berserk, he gets the scissor out of the drawer and cut off Ollie’s tie and then punches him in the nose. Stan comes to his defense, and he also gets punched in the nose. Finally, Ollie picks up a very expensive vase and hits Nutweather in the back of the head. Stan goes through his pockets and comes up with his money roll. Nutweather recovers and immediately calls the police.

He takes only the $25.00 and they head off down the road looking for the farmer to take them back down the mountain before the police arrive.

Finding the farmer and paying him to take them down the mountain, they rent a room for the night, and breakfast; now they have just enough money left to pay for two train tickets home.
                                      **

(Now we see, Stan and Ollie sitting on a park bench trying to contemplate how they are going to find money to survive another day.) 



Ollie looks at Stan and says, “Empty Pockets again!  No rent money, no lunch money and it’s all your fault Stan with your stupid sign.”  Stan starts to cry. “I'm sorry!”  Ollie says “You’re always sorry and tomorrow is going to be just another day without no prospects.”  

As the boys sit on the bench feeling sorry for themselves, a truck speeds by and a large leather bag falls off the back of the truck. Ollie goes to picks it up, as he shades his eyes looking down the road the truck disappears around a bend. 
"What's in the bag?" Stan shouts out as he as he reclines on the bench for a short nap.

Ollie shouts: “Hey Stan, the bag is filled with Valencia oranges, maybe we can squeeze them and sell orange juice.”

Stan: “Ollie, I got a better idea, let’s just trade them for a couple of good meals.” Oranges from heaven!

                                                 ***

 Copyright 2017 Comedy Writers Network - Las Vegas, NV.
Updated Sept. 2018.

Author and Webmaster for Sun City, Summerlin's Writers Workshops, and Comedy Writers Network -- Jerry Silvers
"Happy New Year"
______________________________________________________
Your comments and recommendations are appreciated by all our members. Visit our Summerlin's Blog:
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Wednesday, January 2, 2019

LION AND CUB PHOTO CHALLENGE FOR THE MONTH OF JANUARY -Assembled by Jerry Silvers


Every Month we ask our Writers Workshop members to supply subtitles to a photo challenge, like the above.
This posting will be updated all through the month of January for your enjoyment.
                                      **

"I'm taking you to see the Lion King, so don't get any big ideas about your future place in the pride." (JS)

"She says, you're never too young to start teaching them survival skills. I knew it was a big mistake." (JS)

"Boy, we already lost site of your brother and sister just waiting for you.  Anything happens to them, your mother and the pride are going to be in an uproar." (JS)

"Hurry Junior, I don't want to be late for my hair appointment." (Marie Shelton)

"What, you want to be a domestic cat?" (Rena Winters) 

"Stay with your mother while I get lunch." (Mitch)

"Son, here comes your uncle Titus, show some respect, he used to be in movies as the MGM Lion." (JS)

"Dude, I'm your Mane Man!"  (Geri)

"I know it's blinding! Open your eyes-it really is all yours!" (Geri)

"If I have to turn around ONE MORE TIME...."  (Rose Sailcat)

"My son, everything you see before you will one day be yours."
(Marcia Gewelber)

"Now junior your King of the Jungle so don't let anyone push you around."  (Gary Morgan)

"Gee Dad I'm Tired. Are you sure this in the way back home?"
(Gary Morgan)


Tuesday, January 1, 2019

THE COMPADROS BROTHERS By Jerry Silvers

Indian Reservation Casino and Hotel

There have been speculations over the years on how the American Indian casinos and hotels have been funded. Some say it came from their rich oil or mineral deposits found on their reservations and others believe outside investors came to the American Indian communities with the idea and funded each project as a business venture and partnership. 

There is a third scenario to consider that just might have occurred back in 1881 with the Compadros Brothers.





  





The Compadros Brothers for almost one year were being hunted by both the Mexican Federales and the U.S. Texas Rangers. Hiding in the Sierra Madre mountains in Mexico near the Guatemalan border. A decision had to be made to take a chance crossing the border, being recognized and arrested by the Guatemalan’s border guards. Or try to find another means to escape back to United States and Amarillo, Texas their home.

Quinn: “I’m for fighting it out here and taking our chances.”

Marlon: “We don’t stand a chance and I know you want to go home to Amarillo to see your wife and kids. We still have the deputy badges we took off those lawmen in Texas. Let’s see if we can find a boat going to New Orleans.  We can use the badges to change our identities until we can head back home. I still can’t get my mind off the train transporting the railroad gold out of Austin. This could be easy pickings, once we get back.”
They found a steamer headed to New Orleans and bribed the captain to take them aboard as part of the crew.
                                                     **



Texas Ranger Tom Harding has been waiting years to end the careers of these outlaws. “The hanging tree is too good for them.” (He tells anyone who is listening.)  “If only he was allowed to cross the border and hunt them down, but the law is the law.” Thinking, he could make his own laws once he crossed the border.

A Wells Fargo stage master enters the sheriff’s office: “Marshal Harding the stage just arrived and we overheard these new bar maids bragging, saying they saw the Compadros brothers in New Orleans.”

He approaches the woman in charge as they gather their belongings off the stage.  “I’ve heard you tell tall tales about the Compadros brothers in New Orleans, our report says, they were last seen in Southern Mexico.”
Bar Girl: “It’s true, they’re passing themselves off as lawmen.  Asking us to do special favors for them because they represented the law.”
                                                  **
As the brothers travel west on horseback through Louisiana and into Texas. They made a few stops on the way to rob one or two banks and relieve railroad of its gold shipment.  They were now headed home to Amarillo to see the family and discuss their future plans.



A few days after they arrive a stranger arrives.

 “My names James D. Braduck, I’m your second cousin removed from your mother side of the family. I’ve been waiting in the area to meet you boys knowing this would be your first stop coming from New Orleans.  I’m your relative”

Marlon: “You seem to know a lot about us? What’s your game mister? We came home to visit our family and don’t want no stranger interfering with this reunion.”

Braduck: “I traveled all the way up here from Galveston to help you boy’s workout your problem with the law. You see I’m a lawyer and investment counselor by profession. I know Marshall Harding personally and he is on your trail and determined to see you boys hang. I’m here to see if we can cut a plea bargain.  Are you boys willing to live a normal life? Maybe we can cut a deal with Harding if you’re willing to return the gold and silver and maybe serve 3 to 5 years.”

When Texas Ranger Harding finally arrived in Amarillo, they agreed to all his terms to return all the stolen gold and silver hidden away for years. He agreed to arrange with the Judge to give them a reduced sentences of 3-5 years.  Harding had his rangers make the arrest locking them up in the local jail.
                                                  **




 
                                                            **
The gold and silver bars and coins are recovered from where the boys buried them.  Marshal Harding puts the stolen loot on a stagecoach with Braduck and couple of Texas Rangers sending them off to Austin where the Railroad and Wells Fargo officials are waiting to take possession of the stolen funds.

As the stagecoach enters Indian country, they are attacked by a large war party of Comanche Indians. The Indians overrun the coach and rangers, taking those who survived the attack as prisoners along with the cargo, including the gold and silver.



 Their Chief Ravenwood, soon discovers the riches and decides to head his tribe to their hiding place in the Mexican mountain. In the meantime, Braduck who survived, is speaking every day into Chief’s ear, telling him about oil leases and to invest his new-found fortune; and that one day his people will be richer then they can ever image and this will be the Chief’s legacy.  Chief didn’t really understand the concept, that oil could be like gold and possibly worth more.

One hundred years later, the Indian Bank of Ravenwood was financing Indian Casinos around the country. Giving the American Indian Nation wealth and security that was originally financed by the Compadros Brothers own desire for wealth and riches.
                                                ***


© Jerry Silvers - Summerlin's Writers and Poets Workshop - Comedy Writers Network - Las Vegas, NV. 




Scan down to read up to forty original comedy short stories and poems. Your comments are appreciated. "Happy New Year" from all our members. 

Also visit our Summerlin's Blog:
summerlinww.blogspot.com