Monday, April 24, 2017

'BUD AND LOU MEET BIGFOOT' By Jerry Silvers (Revised sitcom story)


 “Hey Lou, grab some winter clothes, we’re going camping.”

“Bud, no way, I'm not leaving this apartment to be 
eaten by a bear, and I don't like snakes, ants, spiders and butterfflies.You go ahead and send me a postcard."

“It will be a great adventure Lou, the great outdoors, fresh air, and by a river with fresh rainbow trout. You love trout.”

“Lesson Lou, I did promised Sid Fields we’d go camping with him and he bought all this extra food, including steaks. he's got all the camping gear we need to really enjoy the great outdoors. It’s time we got away from all this movie business and have a vacation.”  

“Now for sure I’m not going, did you say Sid Fields, he played the derelict in our last movie, Bud the last time we did PoKomoko skit it was just too real, I still have night mares and black and blue marks from those three or four takes. (Slowly I turn, step by step, and he beats the crap out of me.) All I had to say was Niagara Falls and he goes berserk."


“Now Lou, he was only acting, he’s a good  friend.”

“A good friend doesn't beat the heck of you. If he shows up in that derelict outfit, you’ll find me under the bed.”
        
              **





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At about 5000 feet elevations in the Sierra Mountains, they set up camp next to a fast running river.  Sid builds a nice fire and cooks the steaks and brews the coffee. He shows Lou his new rifle. “Just in case we have some unwelcome visitors.” Lou’s reaction by putting a finger in his mouth and expression is not too encouraging.

At about 1:00 in the morning, Lou has to go relieve himself, but is afraid to leave the tent. But if you have to go, you have to go. 

He takes a flashlight. He stands in back of a large tree and pees. As he looks up at the full moon, an image is back lighted against it. He thinks Sid is playing a joke on him, but this is a large animal probably a bear standing on its hind legs, at least 9 foot tall. He then realizes it’s not Sid and starts trying to yell out for Bud, oh Bud, but nothing comes out of his mouth.  When finally he gets the nerve to run to the tents, he is yelling bloody murder.

Sid grabs his rifle and Bud with his flashlight go looking for the bear, while Lou retreats to the tent and zips up the sleeping bag over his head. He hears sniffing on the other side of the tent wall and smells a God-awful aroma of a wet animal. Something grabs his sleeping bag and pulls it out of the tent. He frees himself from the bag and again something grabs his legs and starts pulling him up into the surrounding woods. 

He’s scare to death and yells bloody murder. Sid fires his rifle in the air. The animal releases Lou. No one sleeps that night. 

In the morning, they find flowers at Lou’s side of the tent.  Sid jokes, “it might be Big Foot got a crush on you. Some people have seen him in these mountains.”

“Big Foot! It’s time to go home.” Lou starts packing.

Sid says, “No it’s time to go hunting.”

That night it starts snowing, and Sid gives Bud his second rifle.


As they trek through the woods, they hear knocking against the tree, and some rocks are being thrown in their direction. In one occasion, several high pitched animal howls were heard and there was definite smell of wet fur. Yes, they were being watched.  Lou was suddenly separated from Bud and Sid and he looked over at the hill top and now there were three figures watching him. One was much smaller and probably an offspring. Again, Lou panicked and found Sid and Bud only a few feet away. When he showed them were they were standing, they were gone!



Lou said,   “ Bud it was Bigfoot and he looked so sad, maybe he was looking for someone like me to play with his kid?”

Jerry Silvers
When they got back to the campsite, it was a mess. Lou discovered several of his things were missing along with all the food. They all decided to leave and in a bit of a hurry.

When they got home, the studio left a message that their next movie was with Sid Field's and it was called.  

"Bud and Lou meet Bigfoot".

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Copyright 2017 Summerlin’s Writers and Poets Workshop – Las Vegas, NV. 

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Saturday, April 22, 2017

"EMPTY POCKETS" -REVISED - By Jerry Silvers (Essence of sitcom comedy writing)


                                         
  A column from Journalist D. Thomas Missing dated- Aug. 29, 2017,

I recently interviewed philanthropist Reginald Nutweather on his 99th birthday. Over a period of three days of interviews and conversation, he brought up an interesting story about his encounter with Stan and Oliver and his first wife. 

To this day, Reginald has not forgiven the boys for the breakup of his marriage. Here is his related story.   

                                         ( Photograph of Investigative Journalist D. Thomas Missing.)


It seems the boys were having problems meeting their rent payments and Mr. Fielding, the manager, threatened to evict the boys the following day.  The boys have been looking for jobs for weeks and it seems like no one was hiring. They were desperate, broke and hungry. 



Ollie said, “Why don’t we make up signs, saying looking for any kind of work. We can both stand on the corners of our busy intersection.  Maybe we can even panhandle some change for lunch.”

Stan, “That's a brilliant idea. I have just enough change to buy some signboard and black paint.”  The boys put on their shoes, but first stuffing newspaper inside their shoes covering the large holes in their soles.
                                                    **
A large black Packard limousine pulls up to the curb and the back window is lowered and someone calls out to Stan to come over. Ollie hears this and crosses the street to the stand next to Stan.


“You boys looking for work?  I think I have a job for you.”
Stan says, “We’re your men. What kind of work? We do painting, carpentry, windows, and gardening?”

“My name is Reginald Nutweather and I have a summer home up in Big Bear. I would like you two fellows to take my wife’s car and drive it up to our home.  I will give you $50.00, $25.00 now and $25.00 when you deliver the car.”

Stan says, “We’ll take the job.”

Nutweather:  “Here is the information on where to pick up the Ford and the address to deliver it to my summer home in Big Bear. Remember, I want that car delivered in one piece.  By the way, you do have a driver’s license?”

“Yes sir, we do.” (He hands Stan the $25.00 and the directions.)


The boys pick up the Model T Ford, had lunch, and was told that the roads up to Big Bear Mountain were unpaved and its elevations is up to 7000 feet. (Now, they had $20.00 left.)

The Model T definitely did not have the power to climb the mountain, they even tried having Ollie get out to push, as he gunned the engine. No luck!  So, Stan told Ollie, “Go back down the road to the farm house that we saw at the base of the mountain and see if you can get some help.”

Ollie comes back with the farmer with a wagon drawn by two mules. “He wants $15.00 to haul us up the mountain, so I gave it to him.” (Now the boys only have $5.00 left.)


When they finally reached Nutweather’s home it was almost dark, and the boys decided to have something to eat before returning home. (Now, they are left with a few cents.)

Mrs. Sarah Nutweather answers the door, “I see you brought my car, just in time, help me with my luggage.”

Stan, “Where you going. We were promised $25.00 for delivering your car.”

Sarah, “My husband will pay you, he's his way home and should be here in about an hour. I’m getting out of here now and he’ll never see me again. Here is a letter you can deliver to him telling him I going to see my lawyer."  (She leaves, taking the model T Ford.)

 "Boy Ollie, this is another fine mess you got us into." Ollie begins to cry.


Stan: “We are in big trouble, if he finds out she gave us this letter, he’ll have a fit and won’t pay us. 


I just thought of an idea, we can have someone else deliver the letter. Here is my plan, go upstairs and dress up as Betty, Sarah's best friend and come down when I call you. You hand him the letter, but first tell him, Sarah told her he should first pays us.”

Mr. Nutweather arrives and finds Stan in the living room waiting for him.

“Where my wife?”

“She left with the car as soon as we arrived and she didn’t pay us. However. her best friend Betty has been waiting for you. 

Betty comes downstairs and the first thing she says, “You’re a very handsome fellow. Sarah did say you were good looking.” 


Nutweather looks at her strangely, almost sideways as he gives her the evil eye. Who the hell are you?  My wife doesn’t know anyone up here.”

 “We met at the PTA meeting.”

“Hell no, we don’t have any kids. What’s going on here?

“She wanted me to personally give you this letter, but first she said you have to pay the boys.”

“Give me that letter! I’m not paying anyone until I find out where my wife has gone.”  He threatens to call the police and she hands over the letter.

“Okay, now please pay us.”


He reads the letter and starts to go berserk, he gets the scissor out of the drawer and cut off Stan's tie and then punches him in the nose. Ollie comes to his defense, and he also gets punched in the nose. Finally, Ollie picks up a very expensive vase and hits Nutweather in the back of the head. Stan goes through his pockets and comes up with his money roll. 

He takes only the $25.00 and they head off down the road looking for the farmer to take them back down the mountain before the police arrive.

Paying off the farmer, rent a room for the night, and breakfast, they just have just enough to pay for the train ticket home.
                                      **

( Now we see, Stan and Ollie sitting on a park bench trying to contemplate how they are going to find some kind of work, so they can at least pay for their next meal.) 



Stan looks at Ollie and says, “Empty Pockets again!  No rent money, no lunch money and it’s all your fault Ollie with your stupid sign.”  Ollie starts to cry. I'm sorry!  Stan says he's also sorry. Tomorrow is another day.  As the boys sit on the bench feeling sorry for themselves, a truck speeds by and a large leather bag falls off the back of the truck. Ollie goes to picks it up, as he shades his eyes looking down the road the truck disappears around a bend. 
"What's in the bag?" Stan shouts out as he as he reclines on the bench.  

(Visit your local theater to see Stan and Ollie's next adventure.)
                                                 ***

 Copyright 2017 Summerlin's Writers & Poets Workshop - Las Vegas, NV.
Author and Webmaster for Sun City and Summerlin's Writers Workshops -- Jerry Silvers
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