Monday, May 8, 2017

"MY WISH FOR YOU" (THE PROFESSOR'S SISTER) By Jerry Silvers (Essence of sitcom comedy writing)

 (The Professor has a heavy German accent)

Carl, I’ve called you here today to help me solve my problem vith Imogene, it’s time she found a husband. She’s told me she is very happy vith our present arrangement taking care of me. She taken over the complete control of this house and I’m going crazy. I can’t go to the washroom vithout her checking if we have enough toilet paper and clean towels. Now, she’s trying to convince me to become a vegetarian. (He Yells!) “Too much is too much!”

“Professor, what do you think I can do for you?”
“I’ve given this a great deal of thought, you know how they arrange marriages in India or maybe bring over a bridegroom from Russia.”
“She’ll never go for it Professor, she’s too smart”
“So, ve just have to be little smarter than her. I’v want you to check out all our possibilities and money is nickt a problem.”
Next Evening.

(Imogene with a slight German accent)

“My liebchen, come and sit down, I have a wonderful meal I’ve prepared for you, all your favorites, wiener schnitzel with sauerbraten and mash potatoes. And I have a wonderful apple strudel for dessert with your favorite schnapps’.”
“Vhat’s the occasion Imogene?”
“I’ve met someone! His name is Howard and I want you to like him. Let’s sit down to supper and I’ll tell you all about how we met at the vegetable stand.”
(After dinner)
“So, Imogene you say, he is only 22 years old and how old are you? Forty two! Don’t you think this could be a problem?”
“No, he is very mature for his age and he is such a very beautiful man. Vev been going together for almost two months.”
“Gut, bring him over tomorrow for dinner and I will invite Carl to join us.”
(The following night)

“Professor, this is my boyfriend Howard Schmitt.”

“Gutten Tag Herr Professor, I am so glad to finally meet you, Imogene just can’t stop talking about you and your fine home.  It was quite a coincidence Imogene and I met at the produce counter, we discovered we both love and appreciate organic vegetables.”

“Howard, let me introduce my associate Carl, he’ll be joining us this evening for dinner.”

As the discussions continued through the evening, Carl becomes suspicious of which of his contacts Howard was sent by and what did they promise him?

Howard and Imogene announce their intentions to marry and he ask the Professor for his blessing.  When Imogene left the library to prepare for coffee and dessert, Carl and the Professor approach Eugene questioning him.

Howard yells, “Please, I don’t know what you are talking about!” as the Professor and Carl crush tiny Howard between them. “Stop, your hurting me, I think I want to go home.”

Professor, “No don’t go, you are my blessing, I don’t care who’s paying you.” He starts balling along with poor Howard who is still being crushed between the Professor and Carl. “Don’t vory, I’ll give you my blessing to marry my sister.”
At the wedding, Imogene collects all the gift envelopes and it seems Howard’s side of the family was very, very generous to the point they had enough money to live comfortable, but Imogene insisted Howard get his University diploma. He went on to receive a master’s degree in finance and investments. With Imogene’s suggestion in investments, they became very wealthy and moved to the Hampton's.

On the opposite end, the Professor takes his first vacation in years going to Las Vegas, where he meets a showgirl, marries her in Las Vegas and takes her home. In two months of her buying habit and frenzy, she wipes him out and moves back to Las Vegas. “Oh, how he now vishes Imogene was back in his life.” He cries out to his empty home!

Note: This month's topic: "My Wish For You"
Copyright 2017 Sun City Writers Workshop - Las Vegas, NV.

Author Jerry Silvers
"Essence of sitcom comedy writing." Jerry Silvers

This is our first submission on this month's topic. Scan down to catch up on last month's topic, with stories, poetry, and memoirs. 

"Perfect Lie" - scan down, another of my interpretations of comedy teams short stories.

Monday, May 1, 2017

"IF WALLS COULD TALK" By Jerry Silvers (Essence of sitcom comedy writing)

As my "anonymous source" told me, the Russians were building a Dacha for a private residence with meeting rooms in an remote area of the Hollywood Hills. The FBI wanted to plant listening devices in the walls of the new construction, however the property was barb-wired and guards were on duty 24/7 with automatic weapons. They wanted to distance themselves from making this contract, so they solicited several private groups, who solicited other private organizations to do the job.

Moe, Larry, and Curly had in-rolled in the Los Angeles University of Surveillance,  They finally wanted to improve their career opportunities and maybe upon graduation work for the FBI. Of course, their antic continued throughout the courses disrupting the classes and almost had them suspended several times. 

Professor Irwin Corey

The Chancellor of the school called them into his office, and each of them blamed and slapped each other for their expectation of getting expelled. However that was not the case.

Chancellor Drugnut
Chancellor Drugnut told the boys they were doing a great job and he selected them to fulfill this contract to bug a Russian private residence in the Hollywood Hills. "Boys, this is a great opportunity to show what you've learned here at the University and could be a door opener for bigger and better things in the field of surveillance for you and the school."

Moe says: " Chancellor Drugnut, we learned in class today, you must have legal permission to install listening devices."

Chancellor, " I can assure you our client has arranged everything necessary to cover this secret operation."
The Chancellor gives the boys the details on the armed 24 guards,  that the perimeter was barb-wired, and this has to be a very stilt operation.

The boys went to the wardrobe department of the Hane's Movie Studio and borrowed  two army Russian Uniforms and Curly insisted he wanted to wear the Cosmonaut spacesuit.
During the following night, about 2 A.M. in the morning, they approached the construction site, while Larry, who spoke something like a Pig Latin Russian approached the soldier with the AK-47 explaining to him all three men fought for the mother's country in Afghanistan and that they wanted to inspect this new Russian site. As Larry feed the soldier cigarettes and vodka, Moe and Curly planted the microphones in the walls. 

The next day in Chancellor office, Drugnut was amazed the boys returned alive or not even taken prisoner, since the house was considered on Russian soil. He congratulated them and told them that the mission was so successful their entire school tuition will be paid in full. 

After the Dacha was completed, the Russian secret police used several devices to scan the building and found all the microphones hidden in the walls. They went back and checked their video system and discovered the boy's intrusion to the work-site. They plaster the boys faces all over Russia's newspapers and television with the story of the illegal planted surveillance devices.

The American Press picked the Russian story along with the Boy's  personal story and now they were American heroes.  In response  to all the publicity, the Russian's abandon the Hollywood Hills location. Even the President of United States last year invited these chaps to play golf.  

Copyright 2017 Sun City Writers Workshop - Las Vegas, NV.

Past President of Sun City and Summerlin's Writers Workshop
"Essence of sitcom comedy writing."  Jerry Silvers

Scan down.
Several new postings by just some of our very talented writers and poets.
Your recommendations and comments mean a lot to our writers, let us hear from you. 
Visit the Sun City Blog to read about Lucy's adventure in business and Jerry's another episode with a woman.