Tuesday, September 12, 2017

"AS TIME GOES BY" By Jerry Silvers

       




(Gloria) "Hey dad, Michael and I would like to talk to you and mom about an important decision we've made."

(Archie) "Okay little girl, just give me a minute to get settled here in my favorite chair and let's hear what you and meathead have come up with this time. I hope it has something to do with finally moving into your own place."

(Gloria) "Daddy, Michael got a new job teaching at the Carnegie Institute branch here in New York."

(Edith) "Isn't this wonderful Archie, we now have professor in our family." 

(Archie) "Wait a minute Edith, there's more to this announcement and I hope it's good news."

(Michael) "Well Archie, we need to borrow some money to purchase this car my friend is selling, he wants only $800.00. 
A terrific buy, he's moving to California."

(Archie) "What the hell do you need a car for, we have plenty of transportation here in New York, streetcars, buses, subways - they call it public transportation and I help paid for it." 

(Gloria) "Listen daddy, Michael needs this car to get to work on time and part of his job is visiting other institutes of higher learning to lecture; he can't rely on public transportation." 

(Edith) "That makes sense Archie, remember your first car with the
rumble seat, we sure had fun in that rumble seat, don't you remember."

(Archie) "Shut up Edith, we not talking about rumble, bumble seats, let's keep this discussion about them, not us."

(Edith)  "You know Archie purchased this car with his buddy's Henry just to have some way to drive out to Buggy's Roadhouse on Route 8. They both chipped in $200.00 to buy it. Archie wanted to impress me, so he shined up the car and it was spotless in and out when he came to pick me up. He finally decided he wanted the car for himself and paid off Henry. He parked the car in the family driveway. Archie sure took care of that car, but he didn't know how to take care of the engine, like checking the water and oil. Soon the motor froze up and the car just sat in the driveway, just looking in top condition, but never to run again."

(Archie) "I loved that car, but I couldn't afford to fix the engine, remember the country was in a  depression. I'll tell you what, let me buy the car and I can use it on the weekends."

(Michael) "That's find Arch, but you need to get your drivers license again, take a written and drivers test, and buy car insurance. You sure you want to go through all of this? How about I purchase the car in my name, give you the title to hold until we move out.
I'll drive you and mom on weekends to anywhere you want to go."

(Archie) "That a great idea. Let's to and take a look at this car of yours."

(Edith) "Archie, maybe the car has a rumble seat just like your original car. Wouldn't that be great. I sure loved that rumble seat.
Maybe tonight we can pretend we're back in your old car's rumble seat."

(Archie) "Gee Edith, will you stop with the rumble seat, can't you see we have some serious business here."

                     "Those were the days."
                                        ***

Copyright 2017 Summerlin's Writers and Poets Workshop - Las Vegas, NV. 


























Thursday, September 7, 2017

"MY FIRST PAYING JOB" By Jerry Silvers (Essence of comedy writing)


                                                                   
          
Tomorrow I’m being interview by the Saturday Evening Post. So, I wanted Gracie’s opinion if I should mention my first job as a chicken plucker at David’s Kosher Butcher Shop or go right into my first job as an entertainer. In either way, I now regret bringing up the subject with her.
 

(George): “Gracie, what do you think about my interview tomorrow, I know they are going to ask about my first job?
(Gracie): Well George, I think you should tell them the whole truth about your first job, but forget about the chicken plucker job. (George’s is dumbfounded)

(Gracie):  George did I ever tell you about my Uncle Harry’s first job.  He was a carnival barker, my aunt told me he learned how to bark from the neighbor’s dog.  Uncle Harry was involved with three beautiful scanty clad dancers. He told each one that she was the love of his life.

George: “So, what happened?”

Gracie: “He ran off with the bearded lady.
“Why would he do that?”
“She was the carnival headliner.”
“That makes sense. Did they ever get married?”
“That’s a sad story, once she shaved off her beard, he fell out of love or was it they ran out of money, I’m not sure.”

“That makes sense. Say goodnight Gracie."
                 **

Saturday Evening Post Interview
(Interviewer) “George, tell us about your first job.”

“I thought to myself, with my singing and dancing abilities I would be a shoe in as a vaudeville entertainer.  I auditioned at every chance I had, and each performance they asked about who was my partner. I told them I didn’t have one. They said too bad, they would have hired my partner.”

“Morrie Wolf owned and managed Century Entertainment and every week I was at his office door begging for any kind of job to just be part of his vaudeville program, even sweeping floors or building or moving sets. Finally, he gave in and I had my first job.”

"Soon Morrie asked me to help one of his acts and I needed to play the back end of a horse. It was part of a comedy act. I rehearsed the part with the guy, Ralph, playing the front part, and I really didn’t have much to do. Well, this guy Ralph kept kicking me in the shins during the act. I finally gave him a shot in his kidney’s and he went down for the count and the audience roared with laughter as they dragged half the horse off stage.”

"The next job Morrie asked me to help was with Henry’s Seals. Three seal performers, throwing and spinning balls from one another, making barking noises, and clapping their flippers. Very entertaining and I would help with the props. I also had a chance to sing and dance a little. The first show went just fine.”

“During second show, I guess, the seals didn’t enjoy my singing, because every time I started to sing, a ball bounced off the back of my head. I started to throw the ball back angrily at the seals, and one came up behind me and bit me on my buttocks. This brought down the roof.”

“Next, I was to help out Johnny’s dog act.  Most of the dogs were small or average size except for Daisy the Great Dane (150 lbs. and six-foot-high standing up on her back legs.)”
My job was to set up the stage with props and make sure the dogs were positioned in the right order. Daisy took a fancy to me. She waited by the stage door every day for my return. She followed me on and off the stage, with those big brown eyes staring into my face wanting my affection.  The audience howled with laughter as she pushed me aside, licked my face, and pushed me over as I bent down to position the dogs. We were getting more attention than the act.”

“Morrie called me in and we parted our ways.”
                                            ***

Copyright 2017 Sun City Writers Workshop – Las Vegas, NV.


Jerry Silvers author and past presidents of both Sun City and Summerlin's Writers Workshops.
Also visit our Summerlin's Blog: www.summerlinww.blogspot.com