Local television station KLZ is desperate to cover all the wild fires in the Los Angeles area. They assign Rickles, the local traffic announcer, to fill in as a temporary field interviewer. This could be Don’s opportunity of his career to move up the ladder as a field reporter.
(“Let’s see how he does.”)
(The scene is burnt-out homes and some fires that continue to linger in this residential area. Almost everyone has evacuated, a few stragglers stayed and tried to save their homes with garden hoses.)
“Hey you numnuts camera man, what the hells’ taking you so long, where did they recruit you from the local camera club?”
“My names Charlie, I appreciate you address me so.”
“Okay numnuts Charlie, let’s get this on the road. You know it’s a great opportunity for the both of us. Kid this is no joke, wake up kid and smell that smoke -wait a minute that familiar smoke is coming from you and what you’re smoking? Just hold that camera straight, well you please. No, I don’t want a joint."
“I think you need one, it will calm you down.”
“No, you imbecile, I prefer to drink myself to oblivion like normal people.”
“Where the hell did that audio nitwit disappear too? Where did they get him from, they probably dredged the bottom tank at the audio school of nitwits?”
(Broadcast from fire site)
“On The Air”
“On The Air”
“Yes, Bob we’re here at the corner of Jefferson and Flamingo Drive and we have just been updated by the fire fighters, who have been fighting this terrible fire storm where almost 45 homes have been lost in just this area of town. A few locals stayed on to try to fight the fires with garden hoses, but the fire line moved too fast for our professional to stop. We are attempting to locate one of these individuals.”
“Wait one minute, my camera man is signaling me to my right, it seems like we found a survivor crawling from under the rubble. My God I think we are under attack from a zombie apocalypse, someone get me a cross or stake, I forgot which one works with zombies. Wait he looks okay, I think we’re safe.”
“What’s your name, why do you have all this jewelry hanging out of your pockets, what are you robbing these houses, you smuck, someone call the police.”
“Wait mister, I can’t remember anything. I think I went back to my house to try to save my wife’s jewelry, but I’m not sure. I do remember that my name is Rex.”
“Here Rex, here Rex, I’ll get you a saddle. Okay Rex, tell me about your experience with returning to your home.”
“Well I was in this house (I think it was my house) trying to gather up all our valuables, when all kind of flashing white light were coming in from the front windows. Thinking it was the cops, I opened the front door with my hands up, to make sure they didn’t shoot me. To my surprise it was two alien grays grabbing me by my arms and helping me escape the fire storm into their ship. The next thing I remember was waking up in the rubble and seeing you.”
“Well, Bob, you heard the account from my only witness and of course this will end my career as a reported. I will always be known as the reporter on the Zombie Apocalypse meets the alien’s abduction, with a butthead named Rex robbing abandon homes on Flamingo Drive. “
"I know this looks like Looney Tunes, but this is all I have for now, signing off, I’m Traffic Officer Rickles from KLZ."
Copyright 2017 Summerlin’s Writers and Poets Workshop. – Las Vegas, NV.
Author’s Note: My condolences to victims of the California wild fires and their families. My Essence of sitcom comedy writing is not to make light of these tragedies, but to bring to the attention of our world-wide readers of these tragedies and especially low-life’s like Rex who take advantage of situations like this, for their own gain.
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