(Mr. Tudball, with Swedish accent) “Mrs. Ah-huh Wiggins, would you please come into my office and bring your steno pad. Mrs. Wiggins, I can’t hear you!!!! You keep forgetting to press the intercom button. It’s the red button on the intercom, how many times do I have to go over this with you.”
He mumbles to himself “My Gut, how did I ever hire this stupid woman?”
(Wiggins) “Okay Mr. Tudball, don’t let yourself get into a thither, I’ll be right there. But I have to tell you I have to leave early to do some Christmas shopping.”
As she sits in his office checking out her nail polish, the phone rings and rings.
“Well Mrs. Ah-huh Wiggins are you going to answer the phone? Never mind, I can see your mind is somewhere else.” (He mumbles something under his breath.)
“Hello, no I’m not ready to give an interview” (And slams down the phone). Are you ready Mrs. Wiggins for my dictation, where the hell is your note pad. Your sitting on it, right?”
It has come to the attention of the local media and Tudball Corporation executive board that three former secretaries have come forth with allegations of sexual harassment while working under Mr.Tudball employment. Of course, Mr. Tudball adamantly denies all these accusations. He tells the media, that they are trumped up charges as part of a hostile takeover of his company and to replace him.
They ask the two women and one man, why after twenty to twenty-five years they are now coming forward with these accusations. Their lawyer spokesman said, “It’s the feeling of my clients, since both Hollywood and political representative are now under scrutiny for these predatory misconduct, they feel Mr. Tudball being a very successful entrepreneur should face the same consequences and pay for these past misconducts. They all claimed mental anguishes with years of professional therapy required to overcome the sexual abuse.”
One woman said twenty years ago Mr. Tudball was once a spitting image of Gary Grant, (Really?) in the way he dressed and the slick way of talking me right out of my clothes. One time he even threatened to jump from his seventh story window unless I agreed to go on a weekend trip with him. When he was on the outside window ledge, she locked the window and quit.
The Second woman accuser, said twenty-five years ago, he looked like Gary Cooper (Really?) and that he insisted she sit on his lap while taking dictation. He was very international with Russian hands and Roman fingers. He had a foot fetish and thought my big toes were the most beautiful part of my body.
The third individual, a man, accused Tudball of a 3-1/2-year relationship with him. He said Tudball had a seven-year itch in only 3-1/2 years and left him stranded and heart broken. He constantly flaunted, in front of me, the beautiful women in our office to make me jealous. I was never good enough for him or as his secretary.
Tudball dictates his resignation letter to the board of directors and Mrs. Wiggins returns to his office for his signature, sits down and starts buffing her nails.
(Tudball) “Mrs. Ah-huh Wiggins, I’m sorry you’re going to be losing your job today, so I am going to make a confession to you, but you must keep this as our secret between us. (Thinking she is not too smart to begin with.) Promise?”
“Twenty-five years ago, I became an agent for the Swedish government when they purchased Tudball and associates. I was recruited as an agent; my mission was to funnel funds into this country to influence the American Elections. We contributed millions and sometimes billions of dollars from both Russian and European countries to influence the election outcomes and in some cases, pay for play activities. Most of the American elections with negative ads and political contributions, we accomplished our goals. Tonight, Mrs. Tudball and I are leaving for Stockholm to enjoy our retirement days in luxury funded by the Swedish government.”
“Not so fast Mr. Tudball, let me introduce myself, I’m FBI agent Donald Wiggins. I’m really a man posing as your secretary and an undercover agent. Our government finally uncovered the Tudball Swedish conspiracy, but we needed proof. That’s where I came in. Now, Mr. Tudball, your entire confession is on tape. You’re under arrest as an agent of a foreign country to influence the American elections.”
“Your next stop Mr. Tudball is to meet our special prosecutor. We already made reservations for you at our nearest federal prison of our choice.”
Copyright 2017 Summerlin’s Writers and Poets Workshop – Las
Scan down to read several new posting of original comedy stories and poems by just some of our very talented members.