Tuesday, January 9, 2018

"ON THE ROAD TO LISBON" By Jerry Silvers

(Scene - The Intercontinental Hotel in Lisbon, Portugal, a real hot bed of spying networks during the Second World War.)

(Dorothy welcomes Bing to the hotel) "Welcome Bing, I'm Dorothy
Smith the hotel entertainment director. Let's gets you settled in and then we can go over the entertainment itinerary. What happened to your musical comedy partner?"

"Oh, he got somehow delayed."

As they approached the front desk  all eyes seemed to be directed toward them.  Washington forewarned Bing that the hotel will be filled to capacity with foreign agents seeking information on each others mission and offer legitimate and fake military secrets for sale. 

(Bing is very attracted to Dorothy) "Dorothy why don't we have dinner together and we can get acquainted as we discuss the rehearsal itinerary."

"How does seven O'clock sound, I'll meet you here in the lobby."

(Knock on Bing's hotel room's door) 

"Who's there?"
"Room service."  (Bing opens the door to find Bob standing there.) 
(Bob) "Hello, did you forget me?"
"How did you get here so fast?"
"You dirty rotten scoundrel, you booked me on a freighter a 'Slow boat to China'. I fooled you boy, I got on a USO flight from the States and here I am. So what's the big idea leaving me behind, did you forget were a team on and off the stage. There's got to be a girl involved."

"Ya, your right, and she's beautiful and probably a spy. With all the spies booked in this hotel, I was afraid with your big mouth someone will discover our real mission and that will lead to another failed mission. Just stay out of the way and let me have dinner with the entertainer director and maybe I can discover who she really represents. "

"What am I going to do in the meantime?'

"Just stay low and keep you big fat mouth shut. I'll let you know when we are schedule to rehearse."

(The next day, when they returned from breakfast they were greeted in the lobby by the German Gestapo agent, Herr Frankel, and led away at gun point into a waiting limo.)

(Herr Frankel) "Welcome gentlemen to Lisbon we're taking you to the German German embassy to entertain our staff." 

After several hours of  intense interrogation without results, they ask the boys to entertain the staff. They performed "Mairzy Doats and Dozy Doats and Liddle Lamzy Divey" which made them angry and made no sense to the German audience. They boo them the hell off the stage and sent them packing in a local cab. "Heil Hitler"

(Later in the day, they went to the offices of their foreign contact of 
 by Sidney and Peter's importers and exporters.)

(Sidney) "How was your visit with Herr Frankel, I hope it was pleasant?  But first Peter, get our guest some tea. If we plan on doing some business together, I think we should get to know each other."

(Peter) "Boss, don't we suppose to frisk them before we serve them tea. I don't trust them, especially the weird guy with that stupid hat."  

(Sidney) "That won't be necessary Peter, I've been expecting them, So, gentlemen how can I help you?"

(Bing) "Can we get rid of your body guard, he makes me nervous."

"Sorry gentlemen, he's more than a bodyguard, he's my partner."

(Bing) "We know you have direct contact with the French partisans, my government wants to retrieve the British downed pilot James Pierson, and the aerial photographs. These films are very important to the allies and we are willing to pay handsomely for their return.

(Sidney) "This maybe possible, $10,000 American dollars is a good sum to start with. We will be in touch, just stay low, your hotel is swarming with agents."

The following week they returned to their room after their evening performance and find Sidney and Peter waiting for them.

(Sidney) "Hello boys, we got the merchandise, are you ready to deal.?

(Bing) "We heard a rumor you put the film up for sale to the highest bidder." 

"Well, you have to hedge your investment in case of complications. Did you bring the $10,000 we discussed?"

(Bing) "Yes, I have it, let's see our pilot and the film."

"Peter, won't you bring in our two guests." (Peter leaves and a short time later comes back with the British Pilot and to their surprise Dorothy.) 

(Sidney) "You see gentlemen Dorothy is a double agent and she's  also the pilot Pierson's wife." She holding the film canister. "We interrupted their departure this morning for England. Now show us the money."

Bing opens his suit jacket with a knife cutting open the seam to reveal a small bag of diamonds. "Here's your money, they are worth at least $10,000."

From inside the canister, Dorothy pulls out a pistol and demands Bing to give her the diamonds. 

(Sidney to Peter) "You fool, I told you to search them, you forgot to inspect the canister, you just cost us $10,000.

(Peter) "I told you boss you can't trust her. I'll just have to take that gun away with my special cane gun." And he aims it at her. Dorothy fires and Peter is mortally wounded. Dorothy and her husband slowly leave the room.

(Sidney) "I'm afraid our business dealings have been unpredictably concluded. I guess you'll have to deal with the dead body and the police."

(Bob) "Just wait one minute Sidney. I sold raffle tickets to every spy in this hotel and told them they had the winning ticket for a copy of the film. They will be lining up at your office tomorrow morning."

"You really didn't do that?"

(Bob) "You bet your life I did, we knew you were going to double cross us and turn us over to the local police. This was our own protection plan, we even made a little money on the side. So now you need to clean up this mess.

(Sidney) "I just had a bad feeling today things were going to go wrong, I just happen to have my bags packed and tickets for today's boat to Algiers.  Ha! Ha! I guess you won. I'll arrange for the body to be removed and I hope I'd never run into you gentlemen again."

"Bon Voyage! Please tell your friend Herr Frankel, Heil Hitler up his butt. Will send him a copy of our latest record hit, "Mairzy Doats" so he won't forget us.

Copyright 2018 Summerlin's Writers and Poets Workshop - Las Vegas, NV.  


Scan down to read all the new postings on this new Comedy Writers Blog. 

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